HEAVEN HELP ME

The three surviving Holloway brothers are facing a dilemma! Their string of casual eateries are losing money and in order to save the family business  oldest brother Sam wants to sell the only remaining joint property, a valuable waterfront  house in Rockaway Beach, N.Y. The problem is youngest, 'black sheep', brother Rollie has his own plans for the proceeds, namely to pay off the lone sharks he owes money to. Middle brother and business accountant Kevin has an overbearing wife who also wants her share. And let's not forget their deceased brother's widow Martha, who also has a quarter share and needs the money due to a pending divorce! And if all that is not bad enough, said deceased brother Fred is haunting the house and doesn't want anyone else living there!


          Please e mail me at jsimonelli2@msn.com for the revised edition!

 

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID:

"Simonelli really know his characters and writes in a way that really connects with his audience. The play is very amusing as well as very touching."

Asbury Park Press


 

  Excerpt - 'Heaven help Me'

CHARACTERS

 

Rollie Holloway – late 30’s

 

Rita Romano –Mid 30’s – Rollie’s latest flame

 

Kevin Holloway – early forties – accountant, middle brother

 

Sam Holloway – late forties – oldest surviving brother

 

Fred Holloway – 40 (deceased ten years) formerly the oldest brother

 

Martha Holloway – late 40’s – Fred’s widow.

 

 

 
 

 

 

                                                                                                                                  

                                                            Act 1

 

                                                            Scene 1

 

 

                        SETTING:                  The living room of a small beach cottage

                                                            in Rockaway Point, New York. A dining table is

down left. A sofa is down center. Bar is back center    with the picture of a beach house hanging above it.

                     

AT RISE:                    It is late afternoon in May, 2002. Stage is empty as we hear the sound of waves breaking and seagulls, Rollie enters carrying a small shaving bag. He is the   youngest of the three surviving Holloway brothers. ROLLIE, along with                                    KEVIN and SAM, run a chain of casual restaurants called the Luscious

                        Onion. He is a ladies man and cad, whose only interest in the family

                        business is dating the waitresses he’s in charge of hiring. He crosses to the picture window stage right and stares at the ocean as waves sound fade and Rita enters front        door carrying two large suitcases. She is a pretty          

   woman in her mid-thirties whose lack of higher education is well masked by her urban street  smarts and sweet demeanor.                                         

 

                                                            RITA                           

                        (As she drops suitcases in middle of room.)

Gee Rollie, the least you could’ve done was help me with the suitcases. (She glances past audience through imaginary window that fronts the ocean.) Wow, what a magnificent view. The ocean sure is beautiful, isn’t it Rollie?

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (thinking of his deceased brother)  Yeah, except when it isn’t.

 

                                                           RITA

Sure seems cozy. It’s a shame your family is going to sell the place.    

 

                                                           ROLLIE

What can I tell you babe. No one uses the place anymore since my brother Fred died. My

two other brothers have places of their own out on Long Island.

 

                                                            RITA

I prefer the Jersey shore myself. Remember, that’s where we met Rollie.

                                                                                             

                                                            ROLLIE

                        (Sarcasm apparent)

That’s right, you were reading palms on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. Make any money in that racquet?

 

                                                                                                                                       

                                                            RITA

It had its moments.

                                      (She strokes his lapel playfully.)

I like working for you in the restaurant better though.

 

                                                            ROLLIE

(flirtatious) I recognize talent when I see it babe. That’s why my brothers made me Vice President of Personnel and Forms.

                                                            

                                                            RITA

Forms?

 

                                                            ROLLIE

Yeah forms. You know. Checks, business cards, inventory sheets.  After all, you can’t trust just anyone with important stuff like that.

                        (He moves to kiss her and she pulls away.)

                                                              

                                                            RITA

We better get settled in. Oh, it’s so exciting, our first trip away together… I mean besides the Holiday Inn at Kennedy airport.

 

ROLLIE

The best three hours of my life!

                      

 (She crosses down left and enters kitchen.)

 

RIA

Is this the kitchen?

 

                                                            ROLLIE

Yeah.

                        (He pulls cell phone and small piece of paper from his pocket.)

                                                                

                                                            RITA

                        (Returning to living room.)

It’s tiny, and dusty.  Doesn’t anyone cook?

 

                                                            ROLLIE

Martha used to. That’s Fred’s widow. You’ll meet her later. She’s coming up to sign the

closing papers. (Reminiscing) Good old Martha. She could whip up a soufflé to feed

an army in forty minutes.

                        (He starts searching through his overnight bag.)

 

                                                            RITA

How long has it been since you’ve seen her?

 

                                                            ROLLIE

Not since Fred’s funeral. (He looks up from luggage.) God, that’s ten years ago.

This was my parents place originally. My brothers and I spent every summer here growing up. When my Father died he left it to the four boys, but Fred and Martha were the only ones who used it. Now, since he’s gone, we just decided it’s time to sell.

                                                                                                                                                                      

 

                        (RITA crosses down right to observe painting hanging on              

                         wall. It is a painting of a beach house.)

 

                                                            RITA

Oh, I like this painting.

 

                                                            ROLLIE

                        (Glances up.)

Oh yeah, nice isn’t it? Fred bought that for my mother when we were kids. He said it reminded him of this beach house. It’s very serene. 

 

                                                            RITA

 You think so? To me it just seems peaceful.

 

                                                            ROLLIE

That too. 

                                                           

 

                                                            RITA

                        (Crosses back to ROLLIE who is crouched over bag

                         and starts to massage his shoulders.)

I’d love to go to a nice little beach house like that with you Rollie.

 

                                                            ROLLIE

You’re in one.

 

                                                            RITA

I mean alone. Without all your brothers around. (a beat)  Why don’t we go away together

Rollie? Maybe a vacation to the Bahamas or someplace. Wouldn’t that be romantic?

 

                                                            ROLLIE

I’d love to babe, but it’s our busy season. I’m swamped with work.

 

                                                            RITA

                        (Playing it up.)

But Rollie, you know how I get when I’m near the ocean. The smell of the salt water just

does something to me. Remember Atlantic City?

 

                                                            ROLLIE

                        (Reminiscing)

Best four hours of my life!

 

                                                            RITA

We can play the helpless drowning victim and the hero lifeguard again…

                                                                                                                                    

And you can be the lifeguard this time.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

I’m the lifeguard!

                        (He notices a call from his bookie on his cell phone. Snapping back to reality, he continues his search.)

Nah, we couldn’t. Vacations are expensive. I still haven’t gotten my bonus.

 

                                                           RITA

The story of your life. I just don’t understand it. You’re a single man with no expenses

who makes a decent living. What do you do with all your money?

 

                                                           ROLLIE

You know what a soft touch I am babe. I’m a sucker for a sob story. I keep giving my money to different charities… the Police Athletic League, the Boy Scouts…

 

                                                           RITA

Gambler’s Anonymous?

 

                                                           ROLLIE

They’re not anonymous. I know them all! They’re nice guys. A bit misunderstood maybe.

  

                                                           RITA

Unlike you Rollie, I realize the value of a dollar. I’ve been saving up. I’ll pay for the weekend.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Absolutely not, a Holloway never allows a woman to pay. (beat) We’ll split it.

 

                                                           RITA

You mean we’re really going!

 

                                                           ROLLIE

I get to be the lifeguard this time?

 

                                                          

RITA

Absolutely.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

We’ll see.

 

                                                           RITA

                        (She hugs him.)

Oh Rollie, you really do care.

 

 

                                                                                                                                                  

                                                           ROLLIE                                                              

Right now, Rita my dear, all I care about is finding my shaving kit. Now, where can it be?

 

                                                           RITA                                                                                         

Maybe you left it in the car?

 

                                                           ROLLIE 

Yeah maybe. Would you mind looking babe?  I’ve got to make a quick call.

 

                                                           RITA

                        (Suspiciously)

To whom?

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (Momentarily at a loss)

Ah, my accountant.

 

                                                           RITA

Alright. I’ll be right back.

                        (They motion baby kisses at each other as she exits.   

                         ROLLIE dials number as door closes.)

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (He crosses to table and looks at paper. There’s a deep sense of

                         urgency as he speaks.)

Hello… hi Al, it’s Rollie Holloway, can I speak to Charlie Stein please. I know he’s been waiting for my call Al. I know he’s angry, he’s always angry,  just put him on, will you? Hello, Charlie… yeah Charlie, you’re right Charlie, I should have called                                                                                                                   

yesterday. So I’m calling today. I know, I know… I’m with my family today. I told you, we’re selling the beach house, you’ll get your money. My end has got to be worth a hundred-and-fifty G’s. That’s right, a hundred-and-fifty thou. It’s a done deal. Of course, you’ve been patient… I know Charlie, it’s my last chance, or it’s out of your hands.  You’re a real sweetheart…. Don’t threaten me Charlie, with the money I give you, I’m worth more to you alive than dead. You could milk a compulsive gambler like me at least twenty more years. Listen Charlie, third race at Belmont, number three horse. Put a hundred on the nose will you, thanks. No, I’m not just betting number three again… the horse’s name is Tarot Card Reader… that’s right Tarot Card Re…

                        (Door opens suddenly, RITA is holding shaving kit.)

RITA… my love… (to phone) Yes, Mr. Stein, I promise I’ll have my W-2 form to you

by Tuesday, we’ll show that IRS, yes goodbye. (to RITA) Accountants, they’re so anal.

 

                                                          

RITA

                        (With a hint of skepticism.)

Here’s your shaving kit.  Now remember, you promised you’re going to talk to your

brother Sam about transferring me to the corporate office in New York.

                                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                                     

                                                              

                                                           ROLLIE

But babe, you’re doing such a great job in the Paramus store. You’re already head cocktail waitress and I think you’d make a great assistant manager.  

 

                                                           RITA

Listen Rollie, I didn’t go through six years of secretarial school just to be a cocktail waitress. I gave up a promising career in Atlantic City because you told me your

business offered advancement opportunities.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

You consider reading palms a promising career?

 

                                                           RITA

You forgot I was studying to be a croupier? Besides, I could be a big help at the corporate office. I’m pretty creative you know. I could design new placemats. Maybe

even come up with some new items for the menu. You love my cooking Rollie.

                        (He picks up overnight bag and shaving kit.)

Or at least that’s what you always say. You’re crazy about my rigatoni. You always say that Rollie. Hey wait, that’s a great idea for the menu.

                        (She motions with hand as if writing on invisible billboard.)

Rita’s Rigatoni Royale…

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Rigatoni Royale?  I don’t know, it doesn’t sound right.  Royale is English, you need something Italian. Maybe Rigatoni Regalé Who knows, it’s been a long time since I looked at my Italian grammar.

                                                          

                                                            RITA

I had an Italian Grammar in Sicily, she died last year.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Well, I walked right into that one.

 

                                                           RITA

What do you think  Rollie? Rita’s Rigatoni Regalé. It’s catchy isn’t it? Isn’t it catchy, Rollie?

 

                                                           ROLLIE

I’m still not sure. I’ll have to run it by Fred. He was always in charge of the menu.

 

                                                           RITA

I thought you told me he was dead.

                                                                                                                                       

                        (She picks up the two large suitcases.)

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (He catches himself.)

Oh yeah, that’s right… he’s a… dead.

 

                                                           RITA

                        (A beat, as she gives him a quizzical look.)

Come on Sir Galahad, lets get this luggage unpacked.

 

                        (They exit to bedroom as KEVIN enters front door. He is holding a cell                                                                                              

                       phone in one hand and a suitcase in the other. He is the forty-two year                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  old middle brother whose demeanor is the exact opposite of Rollie. As the                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         company accountant he is all business and bottom line. He is also                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

                        married to an overbearing wife to whom he is speaking when he enters Kevin can be given anal retentive characteristics such as always cleaning and using hand sanitizer).)

                       

 

                                                           KEVIN

But Susan, it’s only for tonight. (He straighten out Fred’s Beach house picture) I’ll be back first thing in the morning. I can’t come home tonight, we don’t know when Martha is going to arrive. Yes dear… yes dear,

I know we have a wedding reception to go to tomorrow, I’ll be home in plenty of

time. What? No, we are not going out carousing tonight, we’re going to sit in the cottage and play Monopoly like we do every year. I can’t help it, it’s a tradition.

 

                        (RITA and ROLLIE reenter the room.)

 

                                                           RITA

I told you I heard a voice in here.

 

                                                           KEVIN

I’ve got to go Susan. Rollie and...?

                        (Gives ROLLIE a quizzical look.)

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Rita.

 

                                                           KEVIN

                        (With hint of disapproval.)

His friend just came in.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (Sarcastically in phone’s direction.)

Hi Susan, I won’t keep him out too late tonight.

 

                                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                                       

                                                           KEVIN

                        (to phone)

He’s teasing Susan. Yes, I’ll call you in the morning. Bye.   

                        (to ROLLIE)

What’s the matter with you. You know how she is.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Yes I know. (spells out) B-I-T-C-H.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Don’t start with me again.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Divorce is still legal in this state you know.

                                                                                                                                   

                                                           KEVIN

Sure, then she gets half of everything.

                                                                                                                                    

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (Obviously opening old wounds.)

Great reason to stay in a bad marriage Kev.

 

                                                           RITA

                        (Sensing need to diffuse the situation.)

Hi, I’m Rita Romano. Didn’t Rollie tell you about me?

 

                                                           KEVIN

(sarcasm) He might have. It’s hard for me to keep track.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

He means keep track of all the new personnel in payroll. Kevin is our accountant.

 

                                                           RITA

Oh, weren’t you just on the phone with him?

 

                                                           ROLLIE

No… no… Kevin’s our corporate accountant, for the restaurants. I was on the phone

with my “personal” accountant.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Since when do you have a personal accountant, I’ve been doing your taxes for years.

                                               

 

                                                                                                                                   

 

                                                                                                                                    

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (to KEVIN with shake of head towards RITA.)

You know Kevin, my other accountant, “Mr. Stein”.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Oh, you mean the accountant who handles all your tax loses.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

That’s the one.

 

                                                           RITA

Rollie’s going to talk to your brother Sam about me working in corporate headquarters,

I went through six years of school you know.

 

                                                           KEVIN

(Sarcasm) Really? Where, Vassar, Bryn Mawr?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

                                                                                                                                          

                                                          

                                                           RITA

Katherine Gibbs secretarial if you don’t mind.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

We could use some extra help at headquarters Kev. Rita’s very creative.

 

                                                           RITA

Should I tell him about my Rigatoni idea?

       

                                                           KEVIN

I’d love to hear it, but I really should start unpacking.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Why don’t Rita and I run to the store and do a little grocery shopping.

 

KEVIN

Good idea.  I don’t imagine there’s much to eat in the kitchen.

 

ROLLIE

Just a can of tuna fish so old that ‘Charlie the tuna” has a white beard and a cane.

 

 

 

                                                           RITA

 I’ll tell you what, I’ll run to the store for groceries and you two boys can discuss whatever business you have together. I gather you don’t get to see much of your brother without his family around.

                        (She holds out her hand for money and ROLLIE kisses it.)

 

                                                           ROLLIE

What a girl. One in a million.

 

 

                                                                                                                                  

                                                           RITA

Very gallant, but I need some money.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (Searching his empty pockets.)

Now, let me see. I know I brought some cash

                        (To KEVIN)

Hey Kev, can you help me out I think I…

 

                                                           KEVIN

                        (Finishing for him again.)

“…left my cash in the other jacket.” You’re unbelievable.

                        (Pulls money from his pocket and hands it to RITA.)

I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into Miss Romano.

 

                                                                      RITA

Oh, I know exactly.                                                                                                                                    

                        (She kisses ROLLIE on the cheek and exits.)

                                                                                                                                 

 

                                                           KEVIN                                  

You sure can pick ’em Rollie.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Don’t start with me.

 

                                                           KEVIN

                        (Starts to pace as ROLLIE opens a newspaper and starts                                                      to handicap horse races.)

 

Do you realize what dire straights our company is in right now.

                        (Sees that ROLLIE is oblivious.)

No, you don’t do you. We’ve been bleeding red ink for seven years and all you can think about is women and gambling. What’s that your reading?

 

                                                           ROLLIE

The racing form.

 

                                                           KEVIN

                        (exasperated)

The racing form? Playboy Rollie. He fiddles while Rome burns.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (unconcerned)

                                                                                                                                    I-1-11

Relax will you. The restaurants will survive. We’ve been in trouble before and always

pulled out of it.

 

                                                           KEVIN

No thanks to you Rollie.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Don’t start blaming me Kev, you and Sammy run the show, I’m merely window dressing.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Oh yeah Mr. “Vice President of Personnel and Forms

 

KEVIN

                        (Pulling a report from his briefcase.)

Here, look at this. The profit and loss for the Luscious Onion chain of restaurants.

New York State, out of twelve stores, only five are making money. Connecticut,  eight stores, three are profitable and Jersey…

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (still disinterested)                                                                                                                                      

What about Jersey?

              

                                                           KEVIN                                                                                                                                                                                            

In Jersey out of six stores only one is making money!

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (Finally, looking up as his interest is piqued.)

Really, which one?

 

                                                           KEVIN

Paramus.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (proud of himself)

I knew it. That’s because I hired Rita for that store. What a gal.

 

                                                           KEVIN

I seem to recall that you hire waitresses for all the stores. And most of them are losing money. What’s your excuse for that?

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (Now up and walking around.)

I’m working on it. You think girls like Rita grow on trees. It takes months of painstaking

interviews before I find women with the (lasciviously motioning with his hands)“right qualifications.”

 

                                                                                                                                                                                               KEVIN

                        (exasperated)

Right qualifications! You’re the only personnel director I know who hires on looks. This isn’t a modeling agency or an escort service. 

 

                                                           ROLLIE

The waitresses have to look nice for the customers.

 

                                                           KEVIN

They also have to know how to read the menus and write the orders down.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Listen Kev, the problem with the restaurants is not the staff and you know it. If Fred  were still alive…

 

                                                           KEVIN

Well he’s not.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Yeah, he’s not.  Except for every May 15th. 

                                       

                                                           KEVIN

Don’t start with that.

                        (Walks to bar and starts to examine liquor bottles.)

 

                                                           ROLLIE

You think he’ll show up tonight?

                      

                     

                                                           KEVIN

                        (Pouring a drink)

I don’t want to talk about it.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Why not, he’s shown up the last ten years, only stands to reason…

 

                                                          

KEVIN

                        (Sips drink and gags as he examines the bottle.)

Yuck, I thought scotch didn’t go bad…

 

ROLLIE


That was Fred’s scotch. You think he’d take a sip once in awhile seeing that he keeps hanging around.

 

KEVIN

He is not hanging around!  Listen, I’m still not convinced of what happened the last ten years or what I’ve seen. It seems like a bad dream. And don’t go bringing it up to Sam either. You know he thinks we’re crazy.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Sam’s in denial. Always has been. First when Mom and Pop died, and now Fred.

                        (He pours drink from same bottle and downs it without

                          incident as KEVIN watches.)

 

                                                           KEVIN

That didn’t taste funny to you?

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Delicious. You just don’t appreciate aged scotch.

                        (He pours another glass.)

 

                                                           KEVIN

In any case, don’t go bringing up Fred to Sam. He’s under enough pressure.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (He sips drink and sits back down with racing form.)

We’re all under pressure.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Yeah, but Sam especially. You know how he feels about being the oldest.  He’ll do

anything to save the restaurants. He’s sentimental about the family. The only reason he

agreed to sell this house is because he’s putting his share of the money back into the business. He even blames himself for Fred.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Fred’s death was not his fault.

 

                                                           KEVIN

I know Rollie. But Sam gave him the night off ten years ago and he feels responsible.

But how would you remember. You were away living the high life in Las Vegas, while

the rest of us were working our butts off in the restaurants.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

I flew right back from Vegas when I heard about Fred. Besides, I’ve been here ever since haven’t I?

 

                                                           KEVIN

That doesn’t make up for Fred. Or for the way Sam feels.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Well, then Sam better begin to let go.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Of what?

                                                                                                                                  

                                                           ROLLIE

Of his guilty conscience. That’s what. Fred’s death, this beach house, even the restaurants.

 

                                                           KEVIN

He’ll never give up the business. Even if it kills him.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

And it probably will.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Don’t make light of it. Sam is losing it. Haven’t you noticed that he’s been acting a little strange lately.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Not really, he seems perfectly fine to me.

 

                                                           KEVIN   

What do you know. You’re never in the office. And when you are you’re just taking

the secretaries to lunch.

                                                                                                                                   

 

                                                           ROLLIE

People have to eat.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Look Rollie, I’m being serious here. I work closely with Sam every day, and I’m telling you the pressure’s getting to him. He’s cracking up.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

You’re imagining things.

                         (Door opens suddenly and SAM enters wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt                                and sombrero, carrying a ukulele and a Monopoly game.)  

                                                   

                                                           SAM

I’ve got the Monopoly set. Let’s get cracking boys.    

                                                    

                                                       BLACKOUT

                          

                                                            

 

 

                                                                                                                              

                                                             Scene 2                                                                      

                                     (Ten minutes later. The three men are playing Monopoly.  

                                     A song like Sinatra’s “witchcraft”  is playing on the radio.)                  

                                             

                                                           KEVIN

(Rolling dice)  Look Sam, maybe we should skip Monopoly and just talk business this year.

 

                                                           SAM

Never. Monopoly’s been a tradition in this house since the game was invented. Your grandfather Holloway used to play it at this very table before any of us were born.

                  

                                                           ROLLIE

He’s right Kev. We have to play the game.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Alright, but we’re not playing with real money this year.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

You take the fun out of everything.

                                                      

                                                           SAM

 What’s with the ancient music?                                                                     

 

                                                           KEVIN

I had the movers pack up all the valuable stuff. I just left that old radio. They’ll come

for the furniture tomorrow.

                                                         

  ROLLIE

The problem is the radio only gets one station. Nostalgia.

 

                        (As they play the game SAM looks up and notices the picture of the beach           

                        house. )

 

                                                           SAM

(to KEVIN) I thought you said you packed away all the valuables.

 

                                                           KEVIN

So?

 

                                                           SAM

What about the picture?

 

 

                                       (KEVIN looks to ROLLIE)

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Well Sam, we kind of thought the picture should stay with the house. You know, for him.

 

                                                           SAM

(terse) He’s dead. He doesn’t need it.                         

 

                                                           KEVIN

Still and all Sam, it has no monetary value. Let it stay with the house.

 

                                                           SAM

Alright, let it stay already.                                                                   

                                               (Getting ready to roll dice.)

Would somebody turn that music down, I can’t hear myself think.

 

                                                           ROLLIE 

 It’s Sinatra Sammy, you love Sinatra.

 

                                                           SAM

I know, but not so loud. I have to concentrate on a seven to hit Boardwalk. Seven, seven,

seven, seven.

                                                                                                                                  

                        (He rolls.)

 

                                                           KEVIN

Six, Luxury Tax. Seventy-five bucks. Hand it over.

 

                                                           SAM

Damn. I told you the music’s too loud.

 

                                                           ROLLIE                                                              

                        (Gets up to turn down music.)

 Seventy-five bucks Sammy! Put it in the middle.

 

                                                           KEVIN

It goes to the bank, not in the middle.

 

                                                           SAM

Kevin’s right, it goes to the bank.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

It does not. It goes in the middle and whoever lands on Free Parking gets the dough.

 

 

                                                                                                                                     

                                                           KEVIN

That’s not what the rules say.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Screw the rules. (to KEVIN) And how come you’re always the banker.

                                                                                                                                                                              

                                                           SAM

He’s good with numbers, he’s the banker.

                                                                                                                               

                                                           ROLLIE

Says who.

 

                                                           SAM

Says me.

 

                                                           KEVIN

I’ve always been the banker, since we were kids. 

 

                                                           ROLLIE

And since we’ve been kids, we’ve always put the money in the middle for Free Parking.

 

                                                           KEVIN

It ruins the integrity of the game. The whole game is based on the struggle to build from

nothing and see who survives. Just like real life. In the real world no one just hands

out money.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Yeah, what about hitting the lottery? 

 

                                                           SAM

(sarcastically) Or a trifecta.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

Don’t you start with me Sam.

 

                                                           SAM

You gamble too much Roland. The loan sharks are always chasing you. Remember when they beat you up and you spent three months in the hospital?

 

                                                           ROLLIE

So what?

 

                                                           SAM

So, it’s not right.  Mom and Pop raised you better than that.

 

                                                                                                                                    

                                                           ROLLIE

Get off my back Sam. Who died and left you boss anyway?

 

                                                           SAM

Pop did. That’s who.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

                        (sarcastically imitating him)

Pop did, that’s who.

 

                                                           KEVIN

Would you two cut it out! You’re acting like children for Pete’s sake! Now, act like adults! (beat) and play Monopoly.

 

                                                           SAM

It’s his fault, he never listens. I try to give him good sound advice but he never listens.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

And I still don’t see why Kevin always gets to be banker. Give me one good reason why he should always be banker?

 

                                                           SAM

He’s an accountant and I can’t trust you with money.

 

                                                           ROLLIE

I only asked for one good reason.

 

                                                           KEVIN