LADIES IN LINGERIE

The actors are mysteriously dying in a small theatre in Nyack, New York just as resident playwright Sal Fatone is trying to salvage an otherwise dismal season of the Bridgeview Players. Among his problems, a stingy producer/ theatre owner, diva actresses and one pompous out of town equity actor. Who's killing all the actors? It's up to Sal to find out!


                                                                                                           What the critics said.


"A mystery / comedy with plenty of laughs. "Noises Off" meets "Death Trap!"  Joe Franklin - Bloomberg Radio.  


EXCERPTS


(please request revised electronic perusal from author)


CAST OF CHARACTERS

(In order of appearance)

Sal Fatone………………………………………45-55  playwright

George Engels………………………………… 45-55  producer

Paula Paterno……………………………………35-45 actress

Detective Collins…………………………………50-60  police detective

Holly Stokes………………………………………40-50 Actress

Ronnie Rosewald…………………………………40-50 Actress

Eugene Fitzrobbins…………………………… 45-55 Pretentious actor

*Cab Driver…………………………………………any age

 

(*Cab Driver is a walk on with 2 lines. In amateur productions  feel free to cast a local celebrity, politician, theatre sponsor or a willing audience member)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ladies in Lingerie was first performed at the First Avenue Playhouse in Atlantic Highlands,

New Jersey in August, 2006.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

(In order of appearance)

Sal Fatone……………………………………………………………….Joe Simonelli

George Engels…………………………………………………………..Tim Kelsey

Paula Paterno……………………………………………………………Noelle Martinez

Detective Collins………………………………………………………..Rick Makin

Holly Stokes…………………………………………………………….Donna Jeanne

Ronnie Rosewald……………………………………………………….Mary Lawrence

Eugene Fitzrobbins……………………………………………………..Stephen Hirsekorn

Cab Driver………………………………………………………………

 

BEHIND THE SCENES

Executive Producer……………………………………………………..First Ave. Playhouse

Director………………………………………………………………….Joe Simonelli

Stage manager…………………………………………………………..Grace Emley

Lights/Sound/props…………………………………………………….Michelle Pello

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SETTING

A small amateur theatre in New York State

ACT 1

                                                      Scene 1              A morning in early summer

                                                      Scene 2              Two weeks later

 

ACT 2

                                                      Scene 1              Later that night

                                                      Scene 2              A few hours later

 

ACT 1

 

Scene 1

 

(Setting:     A small amateur theatre in a small Hamlet of New York North of Manhattan.                                  The stage is divided 1/3 stage right as the theatre office/light booth and the 2/3rds remaining as the theatre space.  A small stage (raised platform) sits against the wall stage left. Back center is a doorway leading to the basement above which hangs a sign reading ‘restrooms downstairs’ The main entrance to the theater is double doors back left. On back wall between the main entrance and the basement/restroom entrance is a picture wall where headshots of all the resident actors hang. Some folding chairs are in theatre section facing the theatre stage as where audience would sit. Back right (inside office) is a  door leading to the prop room. The office portion of the set has one large desk facing the audience and one smaller desk facing the stage within a stage. The office contains all the standard accoutrements befitting a theatrical office including a file cabinet, telephones, ect. The office portion of the stage is separated from the main portion of the stage by a single door frame that rests against back wall. Next to the door frame is a closed tri fold wall separator.  

 

At rise:  Phone rings Sal Fatone mid forties, enters from prop room. Occasional banging on pipes can be heard off stage.)

 

SAL. (yelling from prop closet) Where the hell is my gorilla suit? (Enters from closet)

George, are you hear yet? (answers phone on main desk)

Hello, Bridgeview Players Theatre….huh, the show starts at 8 pm….no just one show…there is no next showing, this is live theatre, …yes, actors actually on stage.. I think you want the Fairview Cinema Superplex, they’re across the bridge on the mainland. Yes, that’s right, we’re the little theatre on the little island in the middle of the little lake near the reservoir.….yes,I said live theatre..I don’t know how they remember all the lines, photographic memory. Sure, have a nice day.

(He hangs up the phone and crosses into the main theatre by opening the door)  

It’s hot as hell in here and I have to wear a gorilla suit in the show.

(He goes to thermostat near the picture wall and lowers the temperature, then goes through door again and sits at the large desk and starts searching through the rolodex)

Where is it. …Garage doors,  Geiger counters, German storm troopers… male and female, I’m keeping this one (he puts it in his pocket) aha, here it is Gorilla suits.

 (Pulls out card and dials the phone)

Hello Sol? …Sy? Sal, from the theatre. What are you getting for gorilla suit rentals these days? What? That’s outrageous! For another fifty bucks I could rent my own Gorilla! I don’t care if you’re having a special on cowardly lion costumes, I need a gorilla suit. You’ll throw in the Tin Man outfit for half price? Great, I’ll remember that if we ever stage the Wizard of Oz. Goodbye Sy.

(He hangs up phone and begins typing on a laptop as the banging on pipes gets louder offstage. He stops typing, goes through door to theatre, opens door and yells down the basement stairs)

Pete, will you keep it down, I’m trying to write up here.

(He closes the door and crosses towards office then turns around and opens basement door again) And let me know if you see a gorilla suit lying around down there.

(he crosses back into office and resumes typing)

(to himself as he types) Julie walks past mannequin and examines negligee. Looking around to see if anyone is watching, she…wait (he stops typing) she doesn’t walk past the mannequin she walks towards it. (continues to type) Julie walks towards mannequin as phone on counter rings.(Phone on office desk rings and he stares at it)

Cool, life imitates art.(he answers phone) Hello Bridgeveiw Players…(playfully) Hey, hot stuff! Yeah, I just got back last night. L.A. was fine. Sure, I made some nice connections. One real nice one on the Santa Monica pier last Saturday night.  All right, calm down, you asked didn’t you?….yes, auditions are this Tuesday night….don’t I always write a part just for you Ronnie baby? You’re not still married, are you doll?....I didn’t ask if you were happily married baby.  Of course you can try out for the lead…you’re chances are beautiful baby, if it was up to me you’d have the part! I said if it was up to me, but George is the producer, he has final say on casting, you know that. Doesn’t matter that I’m the playwright, I’m also the director, light designer, set builder, part time office help and janitor and where has that gotten me? Hold on a sec babe, I have another call coming in, (he pushed button on phone)   Hello, Bridgeveiw Players…Hey hot stuff…that’s right, auditions are  Tuesday…of course, don’t I always write a part for you Rita baby? Absolutely, you’d be perfect for the lead. (Sal’s cell phone rings)

Hold on a sec doll, that’s my cell phone. (he picks up cell phone)

Sal Fatone, playwright extrordanairre….Hey…sexy….right, Tuesday at seven! Do I think you’re right for the lead?! What do you think baby?...Look, I’m on two other lines, can I call you back? Later sexy (He growls at her in cellphone then hangs up and hits button on desk phone) Hey Ronnie baby, can I call you back?  What?..oh..of course, I meant Rita baby can I call you back?  Who’s Ronnie?   Ronnie’s is my cat, I always get you two confused, yeah both have those Siamese eyes that I love.  Yeah, I know I’m an asshole, you’re not the first to tell me…but I’m a damn lovable asshole. Later.

 (He pushes button on phone) Ronnie baby, is that you? …who was on the other line?...My cat….What are you getting so jealous for, you’re married remember. I didn’t ask if you were happily married…and stop bringing the subject up, you’re making me and every divorce lawyer in town nervous…..so what else is new besides your marital status?... No, I didn’t hear. Really, Frank Sanders? How about that? One of the best amateur actors around and he’s gone in a flash. How did he die? Accidental drowning? Fell out of a rowboat trying to reel in a big one. Seems kind of strange to me.. Everyone knew he couldn’t swim. What would possess him to go fishing by himself on a stormy summer night? Yes, (Mock sincerity) the local theatre community has lost a true acting legend in Frank Sanders. Okay hot stuff, I’ll see you at auditions.

(he hangs up phone and resumes typing as banging on pipes again gets louder)

She walks towards the mannequin as phone on counter rings.(Phone on desk rings again)

This is getting bizarre.(He answers phone) Bridgeview Players. Yes, we are performing a comedy Saturday night. What’s it about? I think it’s about an hour and a half not including intermission….Oh, what’s the play about? the plot?…oh, you know, the usual community theatre madcap door slammer. Limited plot, mistaken identity, infidelity, there’s a middle aged actress running around in her underwear. Yeah, it does sound like fun. But wait, you think that sounds like fun, just wait until next month when I premiere my new comedy! Is it better? You be the judge. It’s got a limited plot, mistaken identity, infidelity and three middle aged actresses running around in their underwear…Yeah, I knew you’d like it! What’s that? Shakespeare? No, he’s not in the play. Oh, are we doing any Shakespeare? Only if we run out of royalty money, like every other theatre. Come to think of it, it may be sooner than you think. …Directions to the theatre, sure. Where you coming from? Jersey? What exit? Okay, you take the Garden State Parkway over the state line and get of at 287 North. Then follow signs to the Tappan Zee Bridge. No, don’t go over that bridge. Get off at exit twelve before the bridge then hang a left…(Banging on pipes gets louder) Hold on a sec.. (He yells) hey Pete, can you keep it down, I’m on the phone. (back to phone) You still there, where was I, right, exit twelve. You hang a left at the exit ramp then go about five miles and make a right at the donut shop. Now you go about another mile and you cross a small bridge over a tiny river….no not a tiny bridge over a small river, a small bridge over a tiny river. You go another mile and you make a left at the shell station next to the Chinese restaurant, yeah the food’s pretty good. Then you’ll come to another bridge that leads to an island in the middle of the lake. Hence the name, Bridge view Players. What? If our parking lot is full go back across the bridge and park at the Shell station and walk back across the bridge. They don’t mind as long as you buy some gas or Chinese food. Yes, I imagine the Chinese food probably would give you gas. Okay, see you then.

 

(George Engels enters through main entrance carrying mail and a squirrel trap. He stops at thermostat and raises the temperature then enters the office through the door .)  

 

SAL. Hey George, have you seen my gorilla suit?

 

GEORGE. Yeah, I was cold last night so I wore it to bed. What kind of way is that to greet someone when they walk in the door in the morning?

 

(He sets squirrel trap down)

 

SAL. Sorry, good morning Georgie. Only it’s almost lunchtime?

 

GEORGE. Sue me, I slept late.

 

SAL. You hear about Frank Sanders?

 

GEORGE. Yeah, I can’t believe it. Fell out of the rowboat out on the lake. Everyone knew he couldn’t swim.

 

SAL

What do you mean ‘the’ rowboat.

 

GEORGE

I bought a few rowboats last week. I’ve been renting them out during the day.

 

SAL

What for?

 

GEORGE

I run a seventy seat community theatre on an island. I’ve got to do something to bring some extra revenue in during the day.

 

SAL

You’ve got the Puppett theatre during the day. Roland Romano Marionettes.

 

GEORGE

Not any more. (He starts to test the squirrel cage)

 

SAL

Roland left?

 

GEORGE

That’s right, ran off with one of the lead actors in the Touring show of Romeo and Juliet. It came to town two days after you left for L.A.

 

SAL

Who’d he run off with, Romeo or Juliet?

 

GEORGE

The man played with wooden puppets for a living, take a guess.

 

 

 

 

SAL

Well I guess once you get used to working with hard wood.

 

GEORGE

Last I heard they were setting up a small theatre in Asbury Park.

 

SAL

Did he leave the puppets behind? Maybe I can learn how to work them.

 

GEORGE

Yeah, as if you didn’t have enough on your plate. And by the way, you’re back one day and you’re doing it again.

 

SAL

Doing what again?

 

GEORGE

Sitting in my chair. That’s what. This is my desk and that’s (indicating smaller desk) your desk, against the wall.

 

SAL

What wall?

 

(George gets up and opens the tri-fold divider so it now encloses the smaller desk as Sal moves over to it)

 

GEORGE

There, you happy.

 

SAL

You think someday you’ll actually put in a real wall?

 

GEORGE

It’s not in the budget.

 

SAL

Can’t you use some of the grant money?

 

GEORGE

How do you think I bought the rowboats?

(As he opens spiral note book)

Did you write down the messages in the book.

 

 

SAL

Don’t I always.

 

GEORGE

(perusing the messages)

I didn’t know you were Egyptian.

 

SAL

I’m not, I’m Italian.

 

GEORGE

Well your handwriting looks like hieroglyphics. How can I read this? Is it shorthand or something?

 

SAL

What are you talking about?

 

GEORGE

What’s that phone number?

(he points to number in notebook)

 

SAL

293-267…2?

 

GEORGE

See, that’s what I mean. If you can’t read it, how do you expect me to? Your seven and your two’s look the same! What’s  that number?

 

SAL

495-6087.

 

GEORGE

You see, that time you crossed your seven and the other time you didn’t. Why is that?

 

SAL

(Looks at book)

Oh, that seven is at the end of the number. When it’s at the end of the number I cross it.

 

GEORGE

I give up. Would you please write a little more legibly. I keep returning phone calls to wrong numbers. Last week I got a massage parlor by mistake.

 

SAL

That was no wrong number.

 

 

GEORGE

 Three Asian women are now coming to the show on Saturday.

 

 

SAL

See, it wasn’t a total loss.

 

GEORGE

Did anyone else call who you didn’t write in the book?

 

SAL

Yeah, Ronnie Rosewald called about auditions for my play.

 

GEORGE

I hope you didn’t promise her a part.

 

SAL

Would I do that George?

 

GEORGE

Of course you would. You always do! You promise a part in your play to every actress in town and then when you can’t deliver they get pissed off at you.

 

SAL

I only promise them parts because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

 

GEORGE

And don’t you think their feelings get hurt when they don’t get the part?

 

SAL

Nah, it’s like the Academy Awards, they’re just happy to be nominated and in the running.

 

GEORGE

And besides, Ronnie Rosewald can’t act her way out of a paper bag.

 

SAL

It doesn’t matter, I’ve got the perfect part for her. The part is a department store cosmetologist who is a part time lousy actress. You see, it’s perfect, I’ll have a lousy actress playing a lousy actress. How bad could that be?

 

GEORGE

But I thought it took a good actress to play a lousy actress?

 

SAL

See that’s where you’re wrong. By your logic it would take a lousy actress to play a good actress!

 

GEORGE

I guess your right. I never thought of it that way.

 

SAL

That’s cause you’re not a playwright. And besides, you know Ronnie’s a looker. You want a decent looking cast, don’t you.

 

GEORGE

She’s happily married Sal. You don’t stand a chance.

 

SAL

Nobody’s happily married. Besides, the divorce rate is now over fifty percent. The odds are in my favor. All I have to do is ‘wait her out’.

 

GEORGE

I wish you would  stop trying to boff every actress that walks through that door?

 

SAL

You take all the fun out of being a playwright.

 

GEORGE

I have to. I’m a producer. You think it’s easy dealing with actors? I’m always the bad guy while you playwrights get all the glory. Somebody has to make the tough decisions around here or the show doesn’t go on.

 

SAL

What tough decisions? Rowboats or sailboats?

 

GEORGE

Never mind that. Is Pete downstairs working on the furnace?

 

SAL

Yes and he’s making a lot of noise. I told him to quiet down.

 

GEORGE

Look at this air conditioning bill! (He holds it up, flashes it a second so Sal really can’t see much) It’s outrageous! I’m going to put a lock on that thermostat! Why do you need it to be so cool in the theatre. Everyone knows that the actors do better work in the heat.

 

SAL

That’s a new one on me.

 

 

GEORGE

All the best classic plays were set in summertime or a hot climate! “A Streetcar named Desire”, “ Twelve Angry Men”, even “West Side Story”!

 

SAL

Yeah, what about “Bus Stop”, there’s a blizzard going on outside!  You really don’t know much about show business. How did you wind up running a theatre?

 

GEORGE

I married an actress. Do you think I was going to sit home while she was prancing around the stage with guys like you.

 

SAL

Gee, what ever happened to trust in a relationship?

 

GEORGE

I repeat, I married an actress. They require constant attention and you can’t let them out of your sight for a second. Now keep that thermostat at seventy two degrees. Every time I walk in here I have to go over there and lower it.

 

SAL

You mean raise it. If you lower it you make it colder.

 

GEORGE

You know what I mean. I’ve got a Board of Directors to answer to you know.

 

SAL

I’ve been to your Board of Directors meeting. You and four housewife actresses who want to star in their own plays sitting in a booth at a diner. When they ask you for a financial accounting you hold up a napkin with some numbers written on it and say ‘this is how much we have in the bank.” I don’t know how you get away with it?

 

GEORGE

(getting a bit annoyed at the inference)

I’ll tell you how I get away with it. They each get to star in their own play!

 

SAL

I was wrong, you do know about show biz.

 

GEORGE

Damn straight I do! You guys think this theatre runs on a lick and a promise. This current show we’re doing is selling like crap and we’ve only got one weekend left! How are the bookings for Friday night?

 

SAL

(checking reservation book)

We’ve got six people.

 

GEORGE

Great. See what I mean. Any calls come in this morning?

 

SAL

Just a guy looking for directions.

 

GEORGE

Did he order a ticket?

 

SAL

No, but I think he’s going to the Chinese restaurant in town. I told him to order the sesame chicken. Hey, if I knew about it I guess I could have tried to rent him a rowboat.

 

GEORGE

Big Joke.

 

SAL

We need the children’s shows back in here during the day George.  If I were you I’d march right down to Asbury Park and talk to that puppeteer!

 

GEORGE

The only reason you want the children’s theatre back in here is so you can hit on the mothers.

 

SAL

It was a good source of revenue.

 

GEORGE

(he starts to set up the squirrel trap)

I’m not going to Asbury Park to track down a gay puppeteer so we better think of some other ways to cut corners around here.

 

SAL

I’d tell you to stop paying the actors but you don’t pay them anyway… What’s with the trap?

 

GEORGE

One of the actresses saw a squirrel in here last week.

 

SAL

A squirrel in the theatre? And you didn’t charge him admission. You’re slipping Georgie.

 

 

 

GEORGE

As if ticket sales weren’t bad enough. All I need is a squirrel running across stage during a performance.

 

SAL

GEORGE

Are you ever serious? We’ve got to sell some tickets! Generate business! Listen, the phones aren’t even ringing!

 

SAL

Oh, you want the phone to ring Georgie? Why didn’t you say so. Watch this, you want to see something freaky?

(He starts typing)

“Julie walks past the mannequin as the phone  on the counter rings.”

 

(he stares at silent phone)

 

GEORGE

What are you doing?

 

SAL

Just watch the phone, watch the phone….

 

GEORGE

I think you’ve finally cracked up.

 

SAL

Wait, I know what’s wrong…(He starts typing) “Julie walks towards the mannequin as the phone on the counter rings.”

(Phone on desk rings)

Ah-ha!

 

GEORGE

Coincidence.

 

SAL

(answers phone)

Bridge view Players….hey Hot Stuff!

 

GEORGE

There he goes again.

 

SAL

Chicken for dinner tonight? Forget that, I’m taking you out to an expensive restaurant then we’re going ballroom dancing! Hold on a sec babe….it’s your wife, she can’t tell our voices apart. Do you want to take her for Italian or French tonight?

 

GEORGE

Give me that phone…(to phone) Hey babe…yeah, he was just being an idiot again…yes, he is good at it. Sure, chicken tonight is fine dear. See you then. (He hangs up phone) I wish you would stop doing that.

SAL

What are you talking about. I almost got you laid tonight!

 

GEORGE

You know there is more to a relationship than just sex.

 

SAL

And your point is?

 

GEORGE

You would never understand. Now I want you to try and focus for me. Can you do that Sal? I want you to try to think of a way for us to increase our audience or I’m going to close this place down and move to Florida.

 

SAL

What’s so great about Florida?

 

GEORGE

You’re not there.

 

SAL

Hey, that’s a funny line. I’ve got to write that down. (He pulls out a pad and scribbles the note) Listen, you’ve got nothing to worry about. My next play is going to sell out.

 

GEORGE

‘The Cosmetic Girl’ is going to sell out? That’s not the most enticing title I’ve ever heard. You need a catchy title to draw an audience. “Arsenic and Old Lace” , “The Vagina Monologues”, ‘Men are Dogs.’

 

SAL

That was a good one.

 

GEORGE

I don’t think anyone is going to get excited by a play called “The Cosmetic Girl!”

 

SAL

Precisely why I am changing the title.

 

GEORGE

To what?

 

SAL

Are you ready? “Ladies in Lingerie.”

 

GEORGE

Great, now people will think they’re coming to a strip club.

SAL

Precisely!

 

GEORGE

What kind of title is that? The play’s about a girl who sells cosmetics at a department store.

 

SAL

You mean you actually read one of the plays you’re producing for a change? I’m impressed.

 

GEORGE

What are you talking about?

 

SAL

You usually leave that up to the board of directors divas.

 

GEORGE

I read all of your plays. I have to know how many people you’re going to offend.

 

SAL

Look George, you just said it yourself. You need a catchy title to draw an audience. You do Shakespeare, you get a few theatre die-hards to show up. You do “Ladies in Lingerie’,

You pack the house!

 

GEORGE

I hate when you’re right. Boy, what does that say about our culture?

 

SAL

It says you’re producing community theatre in the suburbs.

 

GEORGE

And you’d sacrifice your artistic integrity for that?

 

SAL

Artistic integrity? If there was a buck in it I’d play the lead myself in drag! I’m trying to get rich and famous, not win a Pulitzer prize!

 

GEORGE

“Ladies in Lingerie?” You’ll only get men to come with that title.

 

SAL

You’ll get women to bring men. Trust me.

 

GEORGE

I think you just want to get actresses into skimpy outfits.

SAL

That too.

 

(Paula Paterno enters main door)

 

PAULA

(calls out)

Anyone here?

 

GEORGE

(calls back)

In the office.

 

(Sal waves his hand at her from behind the screen as she crosses downstage past the divider)

 

GEORGE

Paula, you can’t come through the wall. .I put tape down. See.

 

PAULA

(Humoring him) Oh sorry!?

 

SAL

Just use the door. He’s funny that way.

 

(Paula Enters through the door.)

 

GEORGE

Hello Ms. Paterno.

 

SAL

Hey hotstuff.

 

PAULA

Save it Sal. I won’t go out with you.

 

SAL

Too bad, there’s a great part in my next play for you.

 

PAULA

(now interested) Really? So what are you doing Friday night?

 

GEORGE

(To self) Unbelievable. (to Paula adamently) He’s working here Friday night!

 

 

SAL

Come to the show. We’ll go out after.

 

GEORGE

Hey Paula, would you come to a show called ‘Ladies in Lingerie?”

 

PAULA

Definitely.

 

GEORGE

But why? As a woman don’t you find the title demeaning and sexist?

 

PAULA

Of course, but so what.

 

SAL

(to Paula) He’s so naïve.

 

PAULA

Tell me about it.Look, say your husband or boyfriend hasn’t given you any ‘action’ for a while. You drag him to this play and he sees scantily clad women prancing around on stage all night and what do you think he’s going to want to do when he gets you home after the show?

 

GEORGE

I like the way you think.

 

PAULA

You mean the way he thinks. (indicating Sal) He wrote it.

 

GEORGE

But I’ve read the play. Auditions are next week. There is no scene that has scantily dressed women in it.

 

SAL

Relax, will you. I’ll do a quick rewrite. It’s set in a department store. I’ll throw in a dream sequence.

 

GEORGE

Dream sequence? Can you do that?

 

SAL

I’m the playwright, I can do whatever I want.

 

GEORGE

How exactly do you do a dream sequence?

 

SAL

Simple. Lightening. Bring down the white lights and bring up the blue lights. Add a little harp music in the background. Now follow me Georgie. Julie the cosmetologist dreams of being a famous lingerie model so we throw in a dream sequence where she and two or three other actresses are modeling lingerie!

 

PAULA

Yeah, I can see it now…then she gets signed to modeling contract, moves to Park Avenue, and gets her big acting break! Hey, maybe you can add in a musical number!

 

GEORGE

Musical number?

 

SAL

Great idea Paula! I’ve written musicals before. (to George) Is the piano player out of re-hab yet?

 

GEORGE

You’re going to re-write a musical number now!? Auditions are next week!

 

SAL

It’s no big deal Georgie. You know I’m a quick study. You’ve seen me crank out plays in one weekend. It’s no sweat…Can’t you see it now? Three scantily clad actresses come strutting down the runway while the department store floor manager starts singing. (He sings) ‘They are ladies, in lingerie, sexy ladies in lingerie…and they’re struttin, their stuff today those ladies in lingerie!”

 

GEORGE

I’ve heard enough!....And I don’t like it!

 

PAULA

Oh Sal, you’ve got to let me do the lead in your play!

 

SAL

I’ll tell you what. I’ll give you a private audition over at my place after the show Friday.

 

GEORGE

You will most certainly not! She auditions next Tuesday like everyone else. (Aside)  A dozen homosexual playwrights in this area and I have to end up with the only straight one. And a letch to boot….A musical huh. How many have you written?

 

SAL

You know I’ve written two.

 

GEORGE